Was There A Difference?

Before I write anything more, I really wondered if there was any difference in these 2 photos. And this thought has been with me for a long time now.

Yes, I chose not to go to church again. It was not because I couldn't, but rather a question of whether I wanted to or not. I went back to sleep after 11am after the decision not to, and was woken up by a series of smses. Something I will never forget for the rest of my life.

~ while in dreamland ~

*beep beep* (ringtone of sms)

~ drifts back to dreamland without reading ~

*beep beep* (another ringtone)

"hmm.. double send.. this person just wasted one sms.."

~ doesn't read and stays in dreamland ~

*beep beep* (3rd tone)

"this is weird.. this person is wasting money.."

~ almost going back to dreamland ~

and then the barrage happened.

*beep beep*
*beep beep*
*beep beep* (6th now)

"Ok, I got you, I'm reading it now.."

My inbox was filled with smses from different, so no one actually sent a double sms. As I read them one by one, the tone never ceased. Here's the list of what everyone sent me. Starting from the first, and then the rest followed somewhat endlessly.

Aunty Anna: Hi Peter, missed you in church today. When are you returning home?

"home.." (eyes filled with tears)

Pastor Heidi: Hi Peter! We're missing you today! :-) have a nice day!

"don't think so.. I'm rotting at home.."

John Kao: Hey how's ur day today? Never come to church today, miss talking to you lor. :-D Haha..

"I really miss talking to you John, I miss it a huge lot"

Amos: Hi peter... hope this will be a big message to u "god loves u" amos...

"I.. I.. really don't know.."

Ben Kee: Hey p, tot u comin church, where u?

"Yea.. I lied again.. Couldn't bring myself to tell you that I didn't want to come"

Charlene: May God's grace be with you throughout the day!

"I need it.. I really do.."

Pamela Song: Hey peter.. We miss you.. Come back to church Pls.. Just let ya know WE LOVE YOU! And we want you back..

Oh my.. this sms really really hit me hard. All these weeks, it's been about me asking myself how much I've mattered in DR, whether I even made a difference. And the part about everyone loving me. Is it real? Does everyone really love me?

En Quan: Peter! How's your week? The youths miss you.

"Twin bro.. I'm sorry.."

Joram: Peter... Where r u? Y sooooooooooo long never come arh?

"Because.. it started from a small problem.. and it just got worse.."

Chermaine: Thanking god for everytime I remember you.

Ok. This is the sms that broke me. Many of you don't know about my story and how God sent an angel to talk to me. That angel was Chermaine's mom, Doris. She called me up one day, and I didn't even know who she was. She talked to me about her nephew, someone she was reminded of everytime she saw me. As we talked about personal matters, it was evident God used her to speak to me. She told me how she missed seeing me in Main Service, and how much she would like to see me again. Sadly, she hasn't seen me once since we last talked. I'm sorry Doris.

And Chermaine, if there was one thing I thank God for. It's for giving your mom, you. She shared with me her personal struggles and how much she loves you. I thank God for wonderful moms, because they make that difference in our lives.

Jeslin: Hey peter! Wassup? Haha.Why r u still MIA?! Haha, come back soon. DR MISSES YOU! God loves you and smile always! Jeslin :>

"It's tough to smile in times like these.. I tried.."

Jana: Hey Peter! Where r u? Hope ur hvin a nice dae! Hahaz. Jana

"Not nice not nice.. I would much rather be doing something.."

Rachel: PETE! PETER! PETEY! PETA! PETERY! Hello peter! Wassup homey! Missing in action man.. Peace brotha! Love, peace & joy =D

"I miss the smiles you bring me through your craziness gal"

Janine: Hey handsome! I know you're gonna be flooded with sms, but just wanna let you know that we love you and miss having you around in youth service! Hope you have a good day and good week ahead k! Love! =D

"Do I really make a difference like what Pastor Heidi preached?"

Sin Eng: Hey there. Hasn't seen you for quite a while. Miss you. And God told me He misses you too. See ya soon. Agape

"God.. misses.. me? Agape. Agape.."

Christine: Hey peter.. All of us in church miss u leh.. So long never come to church already.. Next week must come to church arh.. : )

"I want to.. I just.. Haizz.."

Aaron: Oi where u Haha

"at home.."

Andy: Hope u are doing good?

"yea, shadow shaman rocks! been owning with him."

Jerald: Hey peter.. Wats up over there..?

"I don't know.. I guess nothing. It's weird. My sis is crazy for God and her brother isn't. Her brother is just.. dead."

Sabrina: Hi bro this is Sabrina how are u doing pray tat god will give u strength for the coming week Amen. Tc :-)

"I'll need it.. loads.."

Jerome: Yo peter. How're you? Wads up?

"Not good.. not good at all.. So, you still doing the cookies on wednesday?"

Ryane: Yo pete.... How r u man.

"wow.. even ryane.."

Dominic: Hey peter how r u doin

"wow.. double wow.. even rayne's cousin.."

Shirley: Shirley here. Harlow! Hope u can join us soon! Godbless

"I hope so too.. Sometimes, we just need to find our identity in Christ. Who we are, what we want to do. Thanks sister, I've missed the times we talked"

Valerie: Hi peter val here. We're missing you here come back soon!

"Did I really make a difference?"

~ smses tone stops ~

So, the tone stops, and I am left stoned in my bed. Tears in my eyes threaten to break out any moment. Who initiated this? To whoever it was, thank you. You don't know how much it means to me. No one ever deserved this, much less me. But still, I got heartfelt words from those I hold dear. The people who made a difference in my life, the reason I am who I am.

My sis is back in church. She is so strong it scares me. The total opposite happened. Just as she got on fire and all crazy for God, her brother stopped. She listens to christian songs wherever and whenever, blasting it at full volume. Her brother, who used to listen only to these, now listens to secular music, and only has one christian song since he reformatted the com a week back.

And as the love poured in from all of you, the most unlikely song played on my media player.

Avalon
Can't Live A Day Without You

Verse 1:

I Could Live Life Alone
And Never Feel The Longings Of My Heart
The Healing Warmth Of Someone's Arms
And I Could Live Without Dreams
And Never Know The Thrill Of What Could Be
With Every Star So Far And Out Of Reach
I Could Live With Many Things
And I Could Carry On

Pre-Chorus:

But I Couldn't Face My Life Tomorrow
Without Your Hope In My Heart I Know

Chorus:

I Can't Live A Day Without You
Lord, There's No Night And There's No Morning
Without Your Loving Arms To Hold Me
You're The Heartbeat Of All I Do
I Can't Live A Day Without You

Verse 2:

I Could Travel The World
See All The Wonders Beautiful To Me
They'd Only Make Me Think Of You
And I Could Have All Life Offers
Riches That Were Far Beyond Compare
To Grant My Every Wish Without A Care

Pre-Chorus:

Oh, I Could Do Anything, Oh Yes
But If You Weren't In It All

(Chorus)

Bridge:

Oh Jesus, I Live Because You Live
You're Like The Air I Breathe
And Jesus, I Have Because You Give
You're Everything To Me

(Chorus)

Well, that pretty sums up everything I'm going through. Good job, good prospects from companies. Everything seems to be going exceptionally well, and at the same time, taking my love and time away from God. I could do anything I want, to pursue what humans would call happiness, but in it all, would I sacrifice my faith? I really don't know.

My sis is crazy for God, she's reaching out for the lost, the backslidden. She knows that she wants God to make her different, so that she can't reach out to those who are also different. And her brother? *sigh*

To all Dunamis Rockers, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I miss all of you, but I need to get through this phase of my life. Thank you for your smses, I am truly touched and thoroughly grateful.